I have something important to talk to you about today.
Something very important to me.
Grab a coffee or tea and settle in to read because you are going to be here for a while (this is a long post compared to most of the ones that I write).
Many of you that read here don’t know that I am severely over weight.
Well, you know now (and you still love me just the same, right?).
When I look back on childhood pictures I was a pretty average size compared to everyone else, nothing that a little exercise couldn’t have fixed, but I always thought that I was really fat (it’s all about perception of yourself).
None of my adult life has been lived at a normal weight. This weight came with me from childhood and multiplied. It has not been a fast gain, but a slow gradual increase. Let me try to explain.
Here Is My Story
After my first child (Elisha) was born eleven years ago, I required surgery for a 3rd degree tear which took a a long time to recover from.
Then came another child (Moses).
Then my first miscarriage.
Then another child (Malachi).
Malachi brought with him a gift for me in the form of symphysis pubis separation from about month six in the pregnancy. This included a great deal of pain, reduced movement, no lifting, etc. After his birth I had a uterine prolapse which brought with it more no lifting. During this pregnancy, I also had a bad fall (straight down on my behind) which brough with it a back injury and a great deal of pain.
Another fall (straight down on my behind again) a few years later and it was discovered that I had new and old compression fractures on my spine as well as osteoarthritis in my lower back.
It was around this time that we discovered our oldest child (Elisha) had ADHD and Autism (and was highly gifted). This brought with it a complex set of challenges including avoiding crowds or environments that we couldn’t control for him to minimize behaviour and sensory outbursts. He also has ongoing sensory issues with food which are enough to drive me crazy.
Then two more miscarriages.
I took a chance and started to work on my weight. I worked really hard. I was just getting started and I lost a few pounds fairly easily.
Then I got pregnant with the twins.
I had no back pain during the pregnancy (I think they realigned my back for me) and not too much back pain after. I was not allowed to lift during the pregnancy and ended up on bed rest during the last week of my pregnancy. Then I had a c-section which was a very painful and slow road of recovery for me.
For the last three years, I have spent many hours each day (and night) breastfeeding my twins, which I love, but it has involved a lot of sitting.
The truth is, I have not actually struggled with weight loss for most of the last 12 years. I have not even tried to lose weight (except once or twice). I have been satisfied. I eat when I am hungry, stop when I am full, and not much in between.
My weight gain has not been all about food. I don’t believe that I am overweight because of a consistent pattern of overeating. I believe that I am overweight because I don’t eat enough of the right foods and I am not as active as I should be. Pain has been a major contributor to inactivity.
I have not always been inactive. I used to play baseball, bike ride, and swim when I was much younger.
I have been relatively healthy for my weight. I don’t get sick very often (usually), but I do deal with chronic pain and arthritis on an almost daily basis. The old fractures in my spine, from a few falls, flair up when the weather pressure changes.
I got Strep Throat in January and was finally able to knock it out after three rounds of nasty antibiotics. Then, I had a knee injury in February that has limited my mobility for almost 4 months.
That knee injury is what made me say, enough is enough.
I don’t want to be overweight anymore.
My body is falling apart. I need to fix it before I can’t.
I have made a decision.
I have been thinking about it long and hard. I have been weighing the pros and cons (no pun intended). I have been discussing it with Jonah.
It is time.
There are only two more years until I turn 40.
I don’t want to enter my 40′s severely overweight, obese, supersize.
There are so many things that I can’t or don’t enjoy because I am overweight.
I have lost weight before – and I know how to do it - for my body. I just need to do it.
I am ready.
I want to go into the next 40 years at a healthy weight.
Digging Deep To Find Myself
If you know me in any way shape or form, you know that I love people. I love chatting and making friends. I am an out going person. I don’t think I come across as insecure and self consious, but I could be wrong.
The online community has been an amazing way for me to really be who I am without worrying about what people think about how I look. This is freeing. (Thank you to all my online friends for taking the time to get to know the real me!)
When Things Don’t Go As Planned
One day this week, I was wanting to have my daily coffee time with my hubby and then do my walking video, but the twins decided they wanted to have a nursing nap. Then they slept on my bed while I did school with the big boys.
I was sitting thinking before dinner thinking about some things that I wanted to write in my journal. I was also thinking about wanting to do the walking video.
I decided to get up and do the video instead of writing about how I felt about doing the video (making positive changes).
Starting Simple, Pushing Hard
I had already made the decision that I would only attempt the warm up – about 5 minutes, but I ended up walking the whole mile.
Did you hear that?
I walked a whole mile (about 13 minutes)! I haven’t done that in 3 years.
There will always be something that I can use as an excuse to keep me from exercising. It wasn’t nearly as hard as I thought and I even ended up walking the whole mile.
My First Walk
- I can’t afford to eat properly
- I don’t have the energy to exercise
- I don’t have the time to exercise
- I hurt
- I am too tired
There cannot be any more excuses for me. I am working through all the excuses. There will always be some excuse that I could use, but I am making the choice not to. There are no more excuses.
There will always be excuses, but what I do inspite of the possible excuses that I could use will show me what I am made of.
My Top 3 Excuses
But I Did It Anyways
Thinking About Tomorrow
My Goals Right Now
How Am I Doing Wih My Goals?
Choosing A New Path, One With No Excuses
I was thinking last night that changing my whole life is not going to be an easy task and I will need to push harder through times when I want to make excuses.
I’m not telling you
it is going to be easy,
I’m telling you that
it is going to be worth it.
I printed out that quote above to hang on my wall and I will be printing out this scripture too.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
This Is Who I am Now
I will be completely honest with you. When I saw these photos for the first time, I wanted to cry. We don’t have a full body mirror in the house and I only ever get to see my face in the bathroom mirror (or the odd photo). It is time for change.
Are You Coming Along For The Journey?
This is a whole journey to discover who I really am. You are welcome to tag along if you wish. I would love the company. I can assure that it won’t be pretty. It will actually be quite messy most of the way. There are destined to be good days and bad days and maybe some in between, but in the end it will all be worth it.